Here we are at the beginning of another year and I throw myself into it with ongoing hope and optimism – that surely, this may be the year my case is sent back to the Court of Appeal and I receive the justice which has been denied me the past 13 years.

I want to thank everyone who sent me messages of support for Christmas and the New Year. It is impossible to say how heart warming and sustaining that support is.

Christmas in prison can be a painful time, New Year’s Eve even more so. We say goodbye to a past year and even if that year has not been a particularly good one, I find it sad that it leaves us forever. Never possible to retrieve any part of it. Happy memories from the past fade even further away.

But New Year’s Day 2005 began on a much happier note – my 5th grandchild was born. I was able to keep in contact with my daughter throughout her labour, by telephone, so that allowed me to feel closer to her. It is especially at times like this, that this terrible injustice hurts so much!

I am hopeful that by February the CCRC will have some vital reports which have been expected for a while and more definite decisions can be made about my situation.

Thank you all again – your support is invaluable.

Susan

Well, October is upon us. The Autumn and a reminder that yet another year is passing by.

There has been quite a bit of activity from the CCRC and my hopes and expectations have risen once again. As always, these things will take their time and apart from continuing to go over…and over…all the pertinent points which I believe are crucial to my case and relaying again and again these points to those who are working on my case, I can only wait and be patient, forever hopeful.

Running alongside the efforts to get me back to the Court of Appeal is the Parole Process! I never thought I would still be in prison at this stage and really have no interest in ‘Parole’ as such. Obviously the prison has to do their job and I appreciate that. I have never worked towards getting released by ‘Parole’ and therefore cannot predict its outcome. It will not be unconditional and therefore were it to be granted, I would have to see what conditions were laid down because I will never compromise my position as an innocent prisoner, merely to gain release. As time goes by, all this gets so much harder

The letters I receive and messages of support via the web help so much. Thank you for your interest, for caring and for being there in my ongoing struggle.

Sue.

I owe so many, so much, for all the hard work put in to highlight my injustice.
The recent London press conference has raised a great deal of awareness and the response has been excellent. Thanks to all involved and for all the messages of support which I have received.

I was very sad to hear of the death of Paul Foot. A great man with a passion for justice and not afraid to speak out when he suspected wrongdoing. I shall always be grateful to him for taking an interest in my case,

Susan

Each year when the 5th May comes around, inevitably it is a very difficult time for me. Really my year does not begin on 1st January - but on 5th May and each passing year the pain of my wrongful conviction gets worse.

I do not believe many people have fully understood the forensics relating to my case - Judges certainly have not taken the time to look at the catalogue of errors or what the forensics tell us and of course this evidence is crucial.

However, students studying forensic science at a University in Paisley in Scotland have totally understood. They used my case for a paper they were doing and have produced an excellent document.

I am so very grateful to them - as I read it, I thought "at last", this is exactly what we have been saying for all these years. I am hopeful the hard work the students have put into this can now be used to help provde my innocence. I say a Big Thankyou to these forensic science students who I am sure will have great careers ahead of them.

Yet again "Hope" comes alongside and renews my faith that the truth will out.

Susan.

I thought I should give you all an update on my health. Although I am no longer on any thyroid medication, I am gradually feeling better. It seems that my thyroid levels have regulated - I go back to the hospital at the end of this month, so I am hoping for a favourable result.

Because of the situation I am in it can often be difficult to fully be sure that I feel okay. Inevitably I regularly feel "drained", but I am sure that is more than likely due to my ongoing struggle to clear my name.

On a brighter note, I have been very interested to read all the reporting on the Angela Canning appeal judgement. Of course much of this concentrates on the tragic events of cot death. However, at long last, maybe further discussions will follow on so called "expert" witnesses in other cases. It is a well known fact that these experts may be under pressure from the Prosecution to "massage" their findings in order to strengthen the Prosecution case.

I also feel strongly that a jury should hear from both an expert from Prosecution and one from the Defence. I was very badly advised pre-trial, that this was not necessary - consequently, my jury only heard Prosecution "expert" evidence! That evidence has now been discredited, yet amazingly, I remain in prison!

Thankyou to everyone who continues to take an interest in my case and for your support

I was overwhelmed by all the lovely cards I received for my Birthday - thankyou. I so appreciate all the wonderful messages - gifts and flowers.

Another year draws to a close - it brings with it an odd, despondent feeling. Throughout the year(s), I have constant hope that any day the breakthrough news I so long for will come, however at ths time of year you have to reliase that everything related to the justice system starts to wind down - even stop and you know for a fact you definately will not hear of that necessary progress until, at least, the following year. And so it goes on - "HOPE" will resurface in January 2004!

For anyone at all interested in prisons - the system in general - I recommend you read "Prison Gate" a book written by Sir David Ramsbottom, the ex-Chief Inspector of Prisons. It really is a true account of the failings within this system. I was fortunate enough to meet Sir David on a number of occasions and I had written several letters to him. He always responded and was very attentive to any comments about prison. If only the Government would act upon all the recommendations Sir David made.

Throughout my time in prison I have done my best to keep fit and well - always dreading the thought of being ill in prison! However, I have recently had problems with an over-active thyroid and was due to have treatment for this at hostipial. The hospital decided not to "offer" me the treatment and I was left "in limbo" knowing I was feeling much worse, yet not being given anything to "level" my thyroid out.

Last week I did feel the full weight of all my years in prison, as though the whole injustice was pressing down on me and burning me out. I was terrified that I may never "get up" again!

For anyone wrongly convicted - you have to find inner strength and draw on that. You wonder how you do it. Where does it come from?

And yet, so much comes from people who care - family, friends and even people I don't know in person, but who take time to send messages of hope, both to me direct and through my website. I just want you all to know, you do make a difference - THANK YOU.

Sue

Looking through my window today - I am mesmerised by the beauty that this time of year brings. The wonderful colours on the trees - bronze, yellows, reds and greens. Leaves are constantly breaking free from the branches and gently floating down to form a carpet of autumn hues.

And yet this beauty also makes me feel so sad.

Throughout my time in prison, I have used the seasons as a measuring stick - always hoping the particular season will be the final one I see through a prison window. Autumn tells me yet another year is drawing to a close and I sit and wonder if I shall have to be in prison for another autumn?

I remember a poem I once read which ends... "nothing is certain, only Spring is certain"

I want to pay tribute to Kevin Callen who died recently.

When I came to prison, Kevin wrote to me from Wakefield prison - he too had been wrongly convicted. We became firm friends and Kevin helped me a lot in those early years.

Sadly, Kevin was introduced to drugs whilst he was inside and even though he cleared his name and went home, he still found life very difficult. He remained very angry and bitter about the injustice he had suffered and of course I fully understand that. I feel "damaged" by what has happened to me - Kevin did not overcome the damage and succumbed to drugs and alcohol. It cost him his life - I will always remember him and the advice and support he gave me.

Related Links:
Kevin Callen's Story - An overview of Kevin's ordeal

Since coming into prison in 1993 I have been told many times by varying prison staff that unless I admit guilt, show remorse and take part in the designated offence related work, then I will never get out of prison. I am totally innocent of the crime I am convicted of and if it means I stay in prison until a court eventually admits my conviction is unsafe - I say so be it - I will not jump through hoops in order to gain my release - even though my heart breaks when I speak to my children.

Parole reports for a life sentenced prisoner normally begin 3 years before tariff expiry date. That time had passed when HMP Newhall began preparing reports for parole. The lifer governor at Newhall and my personal officer both stated that because I maintain my innocence they could not recommend me for open conditions. They did not deem me "safe" to be moved to an open prison!

I transferred to HMP Foston Hall and refreshingly found an entirely different approach. The lifer Governor there said that a prisoner's progress should not be halted purely on the reason of maintaining innocence - an addendum report was done by Foston Hall and I now find myself in an open prison. I am actually suprised, because I never thought I would get to an open jail. The same situation remains though - I am innocent and only wish to be viewed as "me" - I will not participate in any prison "offense" work.

Excellent news for Sally Clark, I am so happy for her.
I pray that now, Judges will scrutinise expert evidence used at trials. It should be the truth - it should not be exaggerated, nor should it be coloured in such a way that it leans to either the Prosecution or the Defence. It should never be misconstrued.

Let us have fairness and fair play. Let Juries hear the TRUTH!

Related Links:
Sally Clark's official campaign website

Another year draws to a close. I will soon start my 11th year in prison. At this time each year I feel relief that an 'od' year is passing and tell myself the new year has to bring hope - bring good fortune.

For an innocent prisoner, prison is aweful at anytime, but at Christmas time, it is very difficult. I actually feel it is equally, if not more, painful for our loved ones at home.

Inside prison, we know our restrictions - the food we get, what we are limited to buy from prison canteen and even the times we will be locked up.

Outside, our families & friends are surrounded by the "trappings" of Christmas yet are reluctant to let their hair down. They feel bad if they enjoy themselves, they think of us when they eat good food. We are always in their minds and consequently, their lives, in part, are on hold too.

With any injustice, it is not just the prisoner who suffers, but their family and subsequently, friends. I cannot say enough first how all the support I receive does help - that, and my faith sustains me. I came across this text from Romans (12.12) "Be Joyful in Hope, patient in affliction, faithful in Prayer."

Thank you to everyone who sent me cards and to those who have signed the petition.
Sue.

Despite the Home Office claiming they do not penalise those prisoners who maintain their innocence, Robert Brown spent 26 years in jail before his conviction was quashed on 13 November.
Wonderful news - but evidence which could havaec leared his name was withheld for years! WHY!

Those police who investigated this murder must be held to account - until this happens and corrupt polie are punished, injustice will continue to flourish.

Be happy Rob.

The response to the article in true detective has been amazing. I want to thank everyone who took the time to both read it and respond.

Rob Brown is in the Court of Appeal on Wednesday - when I am at my lowest, it is people like Rob I bring to mind. He has spent 26 years in jail - my thoughts and prayers will be with him, I truly hope his conviction is quashed and he walks free.

November!! I cannot believe another year is drawing to a close and I will be spending my 10th Christmas behind bars.

The CCRC are working on my case, my friends are, as always, working hard in many directions and John McDonnell MP is organising a group of MPs who will form the "Parliamentary Friends of Susan May." I am very grateful to John McDonnell for all his efforts.

I am attempting to remain strong and hopeful - but it isn't easy. Thanks to all those who signed the petition - you do help me survive.

25 January 2002 - My sister

All 3 of my children have birthdays in January. These dates make me so sad. I have missed far too many of their birthdays, missed so much, My beloved Mum died 5 months after I came to prison. My 3 Grandchildren have been born - it really hurts.

My sister died...

I always believed she would eventually tell me why she lied:
Why on the day after I discovered Aunty's body - did you tell the police I would not let you visit Aunty! How could you lie like that? Was that said merely to cover up your problem with alcohol? Did you worry about criticism because you hardly ever visited Aunty or Mum? That is the only reason I feel?

But Ann, there was no need for you to say such things - I was so hurt - but kept telling myself that one day you would speak out and tell the truth - about the money and other things. But that can't happen now? I know you were ill - but I also think you were mentally ill. It was a wasted life. Sadly, I think the police "used" you - knowing your state of mind.

This is taken from The Ballad of Reading Gaol by Oscar Wilde. He wrote it whilst serving a two year prison sentence in Reading Gaol prison. I find it so pertinent. Whenever I walk around, I constantly watch the sky. I tell myself "Eyes skyward".
I am very aware of changes in seasons - watching trees change, noticing the colours - and a favourite pastime, watching the birds.

All of this is a constant reminder of life beyond the walls.

Seeing Steven Downing walking down the steps of the Court of Appeal a free man thrilled me. It helps when I see a conviction overturned - I tell myself there is always HOPE.

I am disgusted with my judgement. It allows police officers a free hand to neglect taking any notes at the scene and furthermore decide years later "how it was"!

Losing this appeal has hit me hard, but I am bouncing back, encouraged by the support and ongoing work of my marvellous friends.

1 January 2002 - About me